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New Beginnings Or New Endings ?

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So many changes since you last post. I find myself on a journey that is bringing me to a new beginning. Or rather a new ending. 
I’m ending my old way of thinking and altering my perspective. Viewing things from a different angle.  
   

  

A year of Healing….

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This past year has been a year full of healing, I’ve been working on healing myself. In April of this year I became a Holy Fire/Usui Reiki Master, I took a class with William L. Rand in Glens Falls, NY. What an experience it was since this training my life has changed significantly. I look forward to sharing more moving forward. Holiday Blessings to all.

You get what you ask for.

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I have just reached the second highest level in my career as a Town Clerk, I now hold the International designation of Certified Municipal Clerk. After all of this hard work and effort to reach this goal; that I set close to six years ago, I find myself wanting to leave this career path.

I have hard choices to make; I have a stable job with great benefits and I still find myself craving something different. The Spirit inside of me screams for change. I find myself day dreaming about my passion, my logical brain and my creative spirit are at odds right now. I shall meditate on it for a couple of more days.

I set my intention to have my own Wellness Business now I hope I can stop fighting with the Universe about it. All things are lining up for my intention to become reality. However I can’t seem to let go of the past comforts.

Intentions have power like no other. Reiki, Meditation and Ambition, my mantra for the next couple of days.

Freedom…

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Reiki and I have been having a work out; it is flowing everyday all day as of late. I only have to think the word Reiki and I feel it, during the hardest times I find myself in a calm space.

I currently add Reiki to my bible reading efforts and the results are astounding. My journey for Wisdom is taking me to places I that are beyond my wildest imagination. I have so many wonderful and amazing things happening in my life right now. That even the worst things that are going on seem to be easily navigated. I’m certainly at peace, after much soul searching the freedom I feel is indescribable.

The struggles are not so hard to overcome I am forever thinking how amazing my life is and how much I enjoy this new chapter of my life.

I am but a vessel for Reiki to flow.

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As I meditated the day away, self-treatments galore, this came to me. I used Reiki to amplify my prayers to God. It was the most profound experience:

I fear God, God is Fear… this simple configuration of words has a power behind it.

I am seeking wisdom and when I decided to searched the bible for wisdom the passages were profound. I read the bible when we did a year with the bible at my church (Life Church Gorham ME) and the passages seemed to whisper to me but it was so faint I had so much going on in my head that I wasn’t in the present moment; so I missed a lot.

I decided to incorporate a bible verse in my Reiki self-practice and I had been seeking wisdom and knowledge all day. So I said the prayer “God please show me how to obtain knowledge and wisdom.” and I did Reiki over my bible.

I had a lot of apprehension because of the Christian, Reiki aspect. My viewpoint is that Reiki is Love and Love is not evil. I embrace both aspects of me.

There were so many passages about Wisdom in the bible it was just the simple affirmation/Prayer to show me how to obtain Wisdom. I used the Reiki II symbols over my bible and then did Reiki until it was done. This is what found me:

Job 28
New King James Version (NKJV)
Job’s Discourse on Wisdom

28 “Surely there is a mine for silver,
And a place where gold is refined.
2 Iron is taken from the earth,
And copper is smelted from ore.
3 Man puts an end to darkness,
And searches every recess
For ore in the darkness and the shadow of death.
4 He breaks open a shaft away from people;
In places forgotten by feet
They hang far away from men;
They swing to and fro.
5 As for the earth, from it comes bread,
But underneath it is turned up as by fire;
6 Its stones are the source of sapphires,
And it contains gold dust.
7 That path no bird knows,
Nor has the falcon’s eye seen it.
8 The proud lions[a] have not trodden it,
Nor has the fierce lion passed over it.
9 He puts his hand on the flint;
He overturns the mountains at the roots.
10 He cuts out channels in the rocks,
And his eye sees every precious thing.
11 He dams up the streams from trickling;
What is hidden he brings forth to light.
12 “But where can wisdom be found?
And where is the place of understanding?
13 Man does not know its value,
Nor is it found in the land of the living.
14 The deep says, ‘It is not in me’;
And the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’
15 It cannot be purchased for gold,
Nor can silver be weighed for its price.
16 It cannot be valued in the gold of Ophir,
In precious onyx or sapphire.
17 Neither gold nor crystal can equal it,
Nor can it be exchanged for jewelry of fine gold.
18 No mention shall be made of coral or quartz,
For the price of wisdom is above rubies.
19 The topaz of Ethiopia cannot equal it,
Nor can it be valued in pure gold.
20 “From where then does wisdom come?
And where is the place of understanding?
21 It is hidden from the eyes of all living,
And concealed from the birds of the air.
22 Destruction and Death say,
‘We have heard a report about it with our ears.’
23 God understands its way,
And He knows its place.
24 For He looks to the ends of the earth,
And sees under the whole heavens,
25 To establish a weight for the wind,
And apportion the waters by measure.
26 When He made a law for the rain,
And a path for the thunderbolt,
27 Then He saw wisdom[b] and declared it;
He prepared it, indeed, He searched it out.
28 And to man He said,
‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom,
And to depart from evil is understanding.’”
Footnotes:

Job 28:8 Literally sons of pride, figurative of the great lions
Job 28:27 Literally it
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%2028&version=NKJV

I am still profoundly processing this that I needed to document this moment in time. Instead of keeping it as a draft I’m letting it go out there. I can’t get this experience into words so I am certain the passion will be shared with the reader of this post. I am Blessed.

Namaste,

~MJJ~

When should I stop?

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When does a betrayed spouse stop asking questions they already know the answers to?

Even though I decided to move on with my life the desire for answers burns within.

I ask and more bombs go off around my marriage. By now the remnants if which could be Swiss cheese. I ask “How many other times have you cheated?” The answer astounds me.

Then the details of my ex-‘friend’ and him literally make me want to vomit. I remember moments that they went together to stuff at my urging. Like one time I couldn’t go to the beach because of work and I urged them to go together with the kids. And he is sitting there pretending their day out is a comfortable reality.

Then during her divorce he had the piss or get off the pot choice to make and couldn’t go through with it so he bailed but told her “He was working on it.”

Sick I say. I just can’t be here another minute but the kids and responsibilities that I won’t run from.

Finances play a piece in this. The affair I caught him at prompted me to get seperate bank accounts. But I just invested in my Reiki Business so my savings strapped.

So I am Sending Reiki to my current situation. If there are any Reiki practitioners that want to send some healing my way I would be grateful.

Many blessings will be bestowed upon me this will not detour me. I will get through it stronger and smarter.

Namaste
MJJ

Betrayal…

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I have been dwelling in a place of understanding or attempting to understand. On December 30, 2013 my friend called me drunk with a confessional.

Our co-friend Erica and old neighbor and my husband had an affair for over three years ending in April of 2013 or there about.

My brain had been trained for this type of thing after the Affair in July and so my first reaction was to investigate. But then I stopped and meditated paused and took a moment (A long moment) and decided that it didn’t matter what “I found out” it won’t change the facts of what happened.

I took a deep breathe and went and asked my husband about this new information that was presented to me. He of course denied and then denied and I walked away with no words spoken back to the sanctuary of my meditation. I sent Reiki to myself and to the moment and then prayed for the truth to be revealed and did more meditation and about one hour later he came to me and finally told the truth. The truth of how he had fallen in love with her and their shared moments and secrets. It happened. It started almost four years ago and ended in April 2013 after his sister passed away. His feelings started it and then Erica ended it. Most likely out of the guilt that ate her alive, now I can reflect back and see why she was so nervous around me. I thought it was her divorce that she was going through I’m certain the two are related.

Betrayed… does that really encapsulate how I felt I’m not sure.

My choice is to end my marriage of thirteen years. Ironically only a few short days after I had worked through the Affair with Ginger and wrote a huge blog post about Forgiveness.

I then spent last night alone and did my first Reiki Grid and set the healing in motion. I asked my Spirit Guides and Reiki Masters to help me with a boost of healing and what a night. I did the New Moon Reiki Share from http://completehealthcircle.com/ had and the healing was most amazing. I feel like a person who is strong enough to take on this new chapter.

My new Reiki Practice, my new mind set is healing and helping and loving. I sent love vibes out to all and asked that we find what we need to find out of the situation.

MJJ