Betrayal…

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I have been dwelling in a place of understanding or attempting to understand. On December 30, 2013 my friend called me drunk with a confessional.

Our co-friend Erica and old neighbor and my husband had an affair for over three years ending in April of 2013 or there about.

My brain had been trained for this type of thing after the Affair in July and so my first reaction was to investigate. But then I stopped and meditated paused and took a moment (A long moment) and decided that it didn’t matter what “I found out” it won’t change the facts of what happened.

I took a deep breathe and went and asked my husband about this new information that was presented to me. He of course denied and then denied and I walked away with no words spoken back to the sanctuary of my meditation. I sent Reiki to myself and to the moment and then prayed for the truth to be revealed and did more meditation and about one hour later he came to me and finally told the truth. The truth of how he had fallen in love with her and their shared moments and secrets. It happened. It started almost four years ago and ended in April 2013 after his sister passed away. His feelings started it and then Erica ended it. Most likely out of the guilt that ate her alive, now I can reflect back and see why she was so nervous around me. I thought it was her divorce that she was going through I’m certain the two are related.

Betrayed… does that really encapsulate how I felt I’m not sure.

My choice is to end my marriage of thirteen years. Ironically only a few short days after I had worked through the Affair with Ginger and wrote a huge blog post about Forgiveness.

I then spent last night alone and did my first Reiki Grid and set the healing in motion. I asked my Spirit Guides and Reiki Masters to help me with a boost of healing and what a night. I did the New Moon Reiki Share from http://completehealthcircle.com/ had and the healing was most amazing. I feel like a person who is strong enough to take on this new chapter.

My new Reiki Practice, my new mind set is healing and helping and loving. I sent love vibes out to all and asked that we find what we need to find out of the situation.

MJJ

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2014 hopes, dreams and good things.

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I know that without bad I will not have a measure of good. The year 2013 brought about many bad moments with the good lessons being woven in. I am so glad that I kept a journal because at the end of the year I could look at where I was and what I hoped ; and compare it to the end of the year. I used it to identify the accomplishments or disappointments that I had.

I can see how throughout the year I was being guided by God to be able to face the next task at hand. I wrote down my prayers and feel that writing them out by hand helped breathe life into them.

This morning I woke up did Reiki self-treatment, and then meditated over a cup of coffee. This is my favorite thing to do. I practice focusing on the moment that I am drinking the coffee. Everything is still going on around me but I am oblivious. I think God provides us with those meditative moments to heal. Our bodies are made to heal themselves, no matter how many products a man will invent to speed up the process the only thing that can really enhance the healing in my view is Reiki Attunements.

I had severe arthritis due to the death of my mother, that in the month of February 2013 I was in physical distress. I was only able to discover this by keeping my journal. I vowed at the end of 2012 to keep a journal at least one page for every day. Well i have three journals that is right three of them. Of course getting the written word onto the computer and in the edit is another story. So my blog may be bleak for a bit. Because transcribing my work into the digital world could prove arduous on this healing body. I never realized the energy that would be coursing through my body. I should be at an excellent typing speed by the end of it. I had no idea the obstacles that would present themselves throughout the year but I feel each one made me strong enough to be where I am.

Forgiveness..

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Forgiving my husband for the pain he caused me is something I have been struggling with.  I have been doing intense Reiki self-healing and getting ready for my new Reiki business, trying to figure out the balance of still doing my full-time job and start my own business. One thing is evident, I need to let go of some of the old stuff that I had been struggling with and one thing I chose is to let go of the affair that consumed me. 

During the month of August I was consumed with anger and sadness, I feel as though it set me back to the beginning of the self-healing that I was fighting through since the death of my mother in January. I have decided that I am going to cherish the lessons that I have learned from this happening to me and realize how much strength I have from this experience. I am going to embrace the fact that I am releasing myself and the act of healing is taking front page of my life. I am forgiving him from my heart and soul. 

I have essentially used Reiki to get through my husbands emotional affair and it is freeing me to love again. 

I am making the affirmation that I will embrace my joy and happiness I will release the destructive and unhealthy thoughts that come with the affair.

 

Happiness is within me and I am going to continually live with the fact that this happened but I chose to let it stay where it happened and to move on from it a stronger, healthier and happier person than I was.  

Before deciding to move in this direction the fear held me back and kept me in the moment of discovery it was an exhausting place to dwell, I constantly lived with the destructive thoughts that keep infusing me with anger towards my husband and his actions. Now I realize I was keeping myself from healing. I am thankful for this opportunity to move forward in my life and fill the space that was taken up by this event with new and loving events. 

Forgiveness doesn’t come easy it has taken me almost five months of highs and lows to arrive here. But I now know with certainty that I forgive him, and I am moving on. 

rEVOLution…

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The burning desire to change is overwhelming. I don’t know what the change will entail but I know it is in the wind. Yesterday while I was walking in the woods the trees were heavy with snow and ice. With more snow falling in rapid succession, it caused me to pause and observe my surroundings gratitude filled me. The snow started with large, slow flakes sailing to the ground and then changed dramatically to fast falling smaller flakes. Very moving.

I decided to pause and enjoy the moment. I’m so grateful;  this Winter is different than any other, my story hasn’t spoken to me in weeks and Winter is usually the most active season for my writing. I think my characters are on a sabbatical or something. They are so quiet, I can’t help but wonder if it is the end in sight that has scared them off. Although my book is coming to a close I know I won’t say good bye to the characters it holds. I treasure them as if they were actual people in existence. After their slumber they will return of that I am sure.

Wisdom…

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I was reading last night; about Wisdom, how wonderful she is. I believe I am on my journey for Wisdom, seeking her with my very being.

I have been presented with an opportunity to start my own Reiki Busines, by a close friend. I have decided to take the chance on me. I’m going to present a reduced work schedule for my current  job and then open my own business. It is in a small office with two other practitioners, they are Licensed Practical Councilors they have been in business since April. Two weeks ago I sent my friend a Facebook Message asking how her new business was doing. She told me that she had recently had an office become empty and she wanted to know if I was interested in filling it with my Reiki business. I told her I would need to think about it for a few days.

The ironic thing about the whole opportunity is the business is located at the end of the Road we just moved from. The travel time to go there is about an hour not including the ferry ride; and I now live and work five minutes from my house. All of that considered, I’m seriously still thinking about this opportunity presenting itself at this exact moment in my life. The ego is very excited about the request to join an established business, the realist is saying whoa, the spirit in me is saying take a leap, you may like where you land.

The Letter

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Here is the letter my 12 year old daughter wrote. Very blessed for sure.

 

Michelle 12-22-2013 694

Reflections…

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As I sit here reflecting on this past year, I can’t help but reflect on how grateful I am. I feel blessed, God has placed me here with these people in my life for a reason. I reflect on all of the people I have met this year, I moved to a new community and the warmth and welcome is beyond measure.

 

Our family celebrated the Winter Solstice last night, we opened our gifts and sat and laughed talked and had fun. It was a great moment. My two youngest children wrote us the most heart touching letters, as a Christmas gift. I’m going to ask my daughter if I can put hers in my blog. I cried half way through and read the rest through the tears.

It made me feel like a great mom even though we all know we have those “I suck as a parent” days. I had been feeling guilty over not going to see my mother last Christmas, she went into the hospital on Christmas eve last year and didn’t come out. I am trying to send Reiki to that moment so I can at least start to heal from that. I feel it working and am very grateful yet again to have been guided towards Reiki.

Namaste,

MJJ